jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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