i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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