Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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