My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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