so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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