im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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