I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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