yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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