Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
