my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
