Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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