Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
