I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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