I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
