I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
