Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
