This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
