You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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