First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize