I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
