I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
