a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
