Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
