nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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