Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
