just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
