there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
