at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
