He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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