unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
