I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
