when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
