Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
