I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
