I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
