Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
