I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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