I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
