Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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