you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
