We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
