I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
