It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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