Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
