I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize