i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
