I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
