Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
