the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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