I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
