So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have aggressive nipples.
How does one acquire holy water?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
