The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
