A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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