You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
