when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
