And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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