**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize