okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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