We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
