the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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