he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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