They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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