yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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