This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
