how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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