Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
