Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
