Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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