she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
