I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
