It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
