Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
