people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
