It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
