Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
