What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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