theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
