I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
