I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
