I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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