Pants 0. Shit 1.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
