I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
