your parents love me but you hate me
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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