Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
