if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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