five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
