hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
