I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize