I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
