at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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