Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
