Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
