I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
