did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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