Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
